The Welcome Wagon

A couple of weeks ago I heard persistent knocking on our door. Reminder, We NEVER get visitors that pop in unexpectedly. I wonder who it is, thinking that they will just call me on my cell phone if the door is locked.

I am in the middle of changing Cole and the knocking gets more persistent. I think that perhaps one of my downstairs boarders is expecting a package that needs a signature. I actually did not hear the postman one day and Sadie had to go to the post office to pick up her cellphone that she conveniently forgot in Idaho. So I grab Cole, unbuttoned, and run to the door. I open it and to my surprise there is a lady that I have never seen in my life. She smiles and says hi like we have met before and then launches into a speech that begins with, "So you're the new neighbors!" I mention that we are not that new; we've been here for over six months. "Really?" Really. She continues to ramble introducing herself as "the welcome lady" and then invites herself in. I tell her that I am kind of in the middle of something, explaining my pantless child. She proceeds to tell me that she will just sit on my couch and wait for me to finish whatever it is I need to finish. I run back to Cole's room and put him back together. This is in the morning and even though my child is bathed and dressed...I am not. A typical day. I find a sweatshirt, there is no time to put on a bra, and run a comb through my hair. Who knows what kind of mascara remnants I had under my eyes. All the while I am thinking, "Who is this lady? Who sent her?"

I return to the lady in waiting and she launches into another speech. As she is telling me about the best salons, dentist, food storage, places to eat, grocery stores, nail techs, dry cleaners, etc. in the area she pulls out coupon after coupon. Then she starts handing me business cards for her doctor, her hairdresser, her dentist. I am getting slightly overwhelmed as Cole is already ripping a flyer from the local Avon lady to pieces. Then, this person (she never told me her name) proceeds to ask me what I do for a living, where my husband is employed, my phone number and other personal information. Why does she need to know? She mentions that if I find something in the bag that she has skipped over or I want more information on, to just give her a call...like we are the best of friends already.

I try my best to get this woman back on her way to storm someone else's living room. Throughout the production, I inherited a new necklace and earring set from Avon, a sample of eye cream from Mary Kay and some dehydrated chocolate milk to try. She prepares to leave, welcoming me again and telling me that she is SO glad that we have moved into the neighborhood. I have my gifts in one hand and a bag full of coupons and tissue paper in my other hand as I finally wave good-bye.I take a picture of the bag because I find it so funny and random and go back to my day. I kind of forget about the whole experience until I started cleaning to prepare for company the other day. I found the bag in the office, just bursting full of opportunities. I get curious and I rummage through and find maybe two things that are useful. I'll take $100 off of laser hair removal any day! I finally found the welcome lady's name as I proceeded to go through the bag, on a letter from a local doctor. Along with some coupons that expired in December. Maybe she was told to come when we first moved...and she's just getting around to it six months later. I'll never know.

I still have no idea how this lady got her job. Is she appointed by the city? She was driving a really nice Audi, I wonder what kind of stipend she gets. All in all it was an interesting experience. She can check us off of her list and consider us officially "welcomed". Maybe next time it will be Ed McMahon.