On Your Birthday...

WARNING: Cheesy, lengthy, sentimental...coming right up! You don't have to read it. My blog-'nuff said.

January 26, 2009

Dear Cole,
As I sit here writing this letter on your birthday, I can not believe that it was one year ago today that you came into my life. We had not been married very long when Heavenly Father let your Daddy and I know that you were ready to come-and that you did not want to wait any longer. I think that the impatience thing has carried on with you.

Pregnancy was anything but ordinary for me with a rotated pelvis, physical therapy, lots of losing my lunch and other things. Yet, each day I was so amazed by the connection I felt with you and overwhelmed at the prospect of being your mother. I knew that you were a boy from the moment I found out I was pregnant.

Your birth was amazing and I feel so lucky to remember it. Those first moments where I held you, before the nurse took you away, are ones that I will treasure the rest of my life. Joy, fear, humility and anxiety were just some of the things I felt. You were alive and healthy and already screaming. There was a really scary time right after; when Daddy and Grandma were not sure I was going to make it. I am so glad that Heavenly Father let me stick around so I could watch you grow.

Your name is very special. It comes from two wonderful people that mean a lot to me and your Dad. Nicolas is, of course, after me; but Cole is what my dear Grandma Millie called me my entire life. I took you to see her when you were not even two weeks old and she passed away soon after, going back to the place where you had so recently come from. Your middle name, Grant is also after a grandparent, Daddy’s grandpa, who passed away soon after our wedding. Always remember who you are and your ancestors.

You have taught me so much in this last year. Like how to get up and keep going even though I don’t necessarily feel like it. You’ve taught me how to relax a little and realize that I can not control everything. I am still working on it. You’ve shown me just how scared I really can feel. You have also shown me how happy life can be. Your smiles brighten my days and your laughter warms my soul. Sometimes we do nothing much all day but read books, play with toys, nap and laugh. I love those days.

You have changed so much in one year. You have gone from that tiny, little, helpless boy to someone that has an opinion, and is the size of some three year-olds. I have relished watching your new expressions, your insatiable curiosity, learning how to crawl, your love for the water and many other things. When faced with the reality that I might lose you, I made myself a promise to make each day worth remembering. I love you Cole and want you know that I am so proud to be your mother. May the next year be filled with joy, health, and lots of love.

Mommy